MJ: Another lifetime ago, after one of my breakups, someone gave me the book, The Five Love Languages. I remember reading it diligently thinking this is where I had messed up in the relationship. I hadn’t considered all of these languages! The book, if I remember correctly, really should have been read with a partner as I believe there were assignments for the couples reading it. Although then single, I immediately took a pad of paper and pen out to begin making my lists for my future relationship. About two lines in, I stopped the madness to realize how easily I fell into a legalistic mindset. I argued with myself that my love language was all five! I want to receive them all at some point from my partner. I want to give all of them to my partner. To love...and to be loved in return. Consideration.
Percell, what are your thoughts on this type of love analysis? Also, in having the idea that a relationship can work with simple consideration one to another, is my outlook naive to think this is possible?
Percell: Superficially, at least, I agree with the 'love languages'. This is to simply say that no two persons are the same, and we must communicate with others in the way/s that they need rather than in the way/s which suit us. Communication, whether verbal, physical, or emotional, begins with the receiver, right? If you are naive in your desire, then so am I. I believe that the greatest thing we can ever learn is how to love and be loved in return. Nat King Cole has a song with a similar lyric. But I am talking of a different love than he. I am speaking of a holistic love -- one which encompasses the eros, philos, and agape. Too often, too many of us stop at the love found in song and Hallmark cards which is neither of the aforementioned. Meaning no disrespect to Hallmark, of course (I like those cards as well), that is not love but self-gratification. Most of the meanings behind the "I love you"s is really "I love the way you make me feel". The problem with that is that when I am not feeling that way, be it for a moment or a month, where is the love?
No two persons are going to get along all the time. I hear this a lot, and reply, "Why not?"
No two persons are going to always agree. Agreed. No two persons are going to always feel like or be in the same mood as the other. Agreed. No two persons are going to always like or want the same things; also, agreed. Yet, neither of these are reasons to not get along... especially from within the commitment of a love relationship.
That relationships are 'give and take' is an understandable cliche, but a totally flawed one. This presents a dooming sponsoring thought from the very beginning as it implies the negativity of having to 'take some bad with the good'. We must always be cognizant of our sponsoring thoughts. The Law of Attraction, in its real form, teaches that relationships are 'give and give'; there is no other. When we learn to simply love, without the need to be loved, then we open ourselves to being loved without precondition or expectation. And as I say in my book, "...and this is why life is hard".